One of the dumbest decisions anyone could do is to start smoking, yet so many of us fall for that trap. I've been basically sick for 2 out of the past 4 months, turns out I have pharyngitis, it's been a long time coming I guess, considering I was already noticing some signs of health issue due to cigarettes past years. As every other smoker, I decided to ignore it and try to push through them by going to the gym or playing soccer, perfect idea amirite?
I've been smoking for 11 years and I've never NOT smoked in my adult life. I don't know how social interactions look like without having cigarettes, I havent gone to a cafe, had dinner or went for a walk without knowing nicotine is there. It's quite disturbing and pretty sure non-smokers wouldn't think this is big of a deal, but just imagine having something to fill every gap in your everyday routine. Got 5 minutes to bust? Smoke a cig. Your friend is late? Smoke a cig. You're in a situation where you feel weird? Smoke a cig to calm down. You could literally use lighting a cigarette as a reaction to pretty much anything. You could fill every second of boredom, while in fact, you're just thinking that way, but not really doing anything other than killing yourself.
I've previously actually have gone through statistics of smokers and the percentage of diseases they get compared to non smokers, in order to convince myself that the pros/cons is kind of worth it as long as I get to enjoy more cigarettes. Have you heard of anyone else trying to prove to himself with hard data that its a risk worth taking doing something that brings you no benefits, but could potentially end you? Pretty hilarious when I look back.
Kinda dumb that I'm making the decision due to health issues, I've always said to myself that the moment I hit 30 I'd stop smoking, but its possibly just another one of the lies every smoker tells to themselves. The truth is nicotine is poison, and because it's a poison its so easy to fall for it and never acknowledge the power it has over you. Cigarettes are rarely enjoyable and even when they are enjoyable they its just for a few puffs, there's literally no advantage to them.
Anyway it has been 4 days - yeah not really any milestone. The physical cravings are pretty intense sometimes, but mentally I don't feel like nicotine can push me towards it. I feel like I've slowly but surely been shifting my view of tobacco for the past year even while smoking up to the point where I wouldn't feel the mental need to smoke, as long as the physical cravings to away. I keep a pack on my desk and in my car. They're almost always within the reach of my hand, but far away from a smoking place, thus I'd have time to think about what I'm doing if I fall through. I need to make sure that I'm mentally prepared for that and knowing that I won't fall for the trap i set myself seems like a good plan.
Just wanted to post this here, have it written down somewhere to work as a remainder, in case I need it.
P.S. If you're a smoker - you're an addict, just the same thing as an alcoholic or a drug-abuser, you're lying to yourself otherwise.
I've never understood the global wave of sorrow spread through our society when a celebrity dies. I've always found it fake and wondered why would people abuse such events, are they really that ignorant and self-absorbed, don't they realize that outburst would hurt the closest to that very person? I get the whole attention whoring to show appreciation, but that always has the backfire effect for the ones that its aimed towards.
Last year Chris Cornell was playing in my city. I was contemplating if I should get last minute tickets as he was one of the few rock vocals who still do live shows and are alive and i truly enjoy listening to. I didn't, thinking he would be back the next year or the year after. Once artists come to my city, they always come back, there is something about the atmosphere of this city, something still quite incomprehensible to me. Another missed opportunity, sadly.
Grunge has always been some kind of a safety net to me. Somehow I find it easy to connect with and let my mind at ease while listening. When I heard that he died I truly felt sad and then immediately switched to disappointed when the news that he suicided hit the net. I must have read hundreds of posts of people expressing anger because he killed himself as if they have the right to choose for him what to do with his life. Artists, however, hold a great responsibility and especially artists whose work has actual value and whose work helps people get through tough times. I'm absolutely certain Chris Cornell's creations have given thousands of people something to hold on to when they've had nothing. So what should they be left thinking now? If he didn't cope with reality how are they supposed to? Hence the feeling of disappointment.
That feeling makes me as self-righteous as the people expressing anger, I'm aware of it. I believe a person should live up to his moral obligations regardless of his own emotions. If standing up to your own suffering would prevent the suffering of thousands, in some cases leading to the ceasing of existence, then it certainly should be worth it, after all our whole world is built on hope and withstanding through adversity.
I guess the lesson here is to experience new opportunities when available instead of forever missing them so that you won't be left with the bad taste of regret. And I guess the second would be to put others first... but I don't believe that to be true in all cases ... so fuck it.
I leave you with this masterpiece
P.S. This is the next case which shows how deeply misjudged depression in our ill society is.